just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
