He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
