Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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