I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
