do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize