u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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