If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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