Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
