How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
