I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
