So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
