Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
