i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
