that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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