Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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