Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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