I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
