my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
