girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize