my phone needs a breathalizer
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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