I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
