ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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