I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
