My balls are so social today.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
