Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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