sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
