he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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