If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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