he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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