apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.