I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"