i permit you to call me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
