I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
