I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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