I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
