I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
