Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
