I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry about my life...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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