she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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