break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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