census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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