I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
