He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
