Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
