An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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