is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
