Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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