Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
