just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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