It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
