Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
