i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
