I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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