She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
