i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
