i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
