the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
