bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
