my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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