Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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