Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
